Life and Death

Tomorrow is Christmas and while this should be a joyous time of year this year isn't. John and I came home from Texas this past Saturday only to find his grandmother was worse off than we had thought. We had bought her a little Ft. Sam Houston bear for Christmas and gave it to her later that night when we received home. I'm glad we had given it to her then, because that was the last time we really saw her alert. Grandma came home this last Monday with Hospice.

Shortly after Thanksgiving John and I found out we are expecting our first child. While the family is very happy for us, the news doesn't seem to matter. We had our first ultrasound yesterday and as soon as we got to his grandmother's house we showed her the ultrasound and told her about the baby; this would be her tenth great-grandchild. I only wish we could have seen her expression when she found out about the baby or when we showed her the picture.

Part of me feels like we were meant to give life to this child to not take grandma's place in the world, but almost to give her life again somehow through this child. I know she will be looking down at the baby and watching him or her grow. I know she would have loved the baby so very much. My husband and I never thought she would be gone before we had children. Things happened too fast.

Grandma Burns passed away this morning. Baby Pennington is due July 31st, 10 days before Grandma's birthday.