Monday, June 28, 2010

Two More Days!!!!

Well everyone, the time is almost here. The car is packed (and I overpacked!) and ready to leave after work today. In two days I will FINALLY get to see my husband and have an actual conversation with him. I can't even begin to tell you how I feel right now. I'm nervous and anxious; my nerves have made me sick to my stomach. I'm tired but I can't sleep. We only got a 15 minute phone call yesterday, but this close to seeing him I don't care. I will take the 15 minutes.

I had the hardest time saying goodbye to Traveler this morning. His hopped in the car before we went on his walk and he stared at me as I packed it up. I wish I could take him to see his daddy. I know Trav misses having his daddy around.

John sounds more positive about getting Thursday night with me. We still don't know about Sunday night, but again I will take what I can get. Five minutes is better than nothing at all. Honestly, I think we are getting very spoiled with the extra time.

Anyway, more to come later. Hope everyone has a Happy 4th! Will post pictures and info as soon as I can.

Monday, June 21, 2010

I Need A Vacation from Vacation

So in the last month I have been to Columbus, OH, Charlotte, NC and I just got back from Baltimore, MD. I am EXHAUSTED! I need a mini break from all these trips. When I came home from Charlotte I didn't even bother to pack away my bag or anything because I left this past Friday for Baltimore. Hopefully I can get rest this week because I leave after work next Monday for Ft. Benning, GA! So glad it is only a week away.

Another busy week though. I need to try and write two papers, pack, haircut, mani/pedi, belated birthday dinner, work, get ahead at work for next week so I don't leave behind so much, more homework...shew.

So my birthday was OK. I guess it didn't help that I was in a car alone driving to Baltimore where no one knew it was my birthday. Otherwise I would have spent the day off doing something with my mom, I'm sure. I saw her Friday morning before I headed out and as soon as a co-worker said Happy Birthday I broke down. 26 isn't a big deal anyway.

And then he tells me I may not be able to go down for our anniversary because the last three weeks there they are out in the field and only come back on Sundays to shower and call home. Well, all this starts before our anniversary and even though its a holiday weekend I can't go down for two days. Hopefully, it will all work out and I can go.

On a positive note...

It sounds like because Sunday is a holiday I may get more time with John. Rumor has it the OCS guys may process in Thursday rather than Friday and get released until Monday morning at 8 am. Of course we won't know for sure until at least Thursday. But, that would be great to have Thursday and Sunday night with him. More time than I expected.

I did get an hour phone call yesterday. We talked more about the move and next week. We can't wait to see each other and honestly will take any time we can get with one another. I miss him so much. I miss his kiss, his touch, I miss his laugh and the way he laughs at my when I do something silly. I miss it all. He is hoping they can have their phones during personal time this week since they finished everything today. That would be great since I can't send letters anymore.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Birthday Blues

So tomorrow is my birthday. Normally I would go around counting down the days and celebrating the whole month. But now I just want to forget that it is even coming since John isn't here. It just isn't the same.

He sent me a birthday card which I received Monday. I broke down as it was just another reminder that he isn't here. I know this won't be the last birthday he misses. Back in March we went to Charlotte to visit with our friends and they were nice enough to let me go to the Apple store. I have been wanting a Mac and John let me get one for my birthday....three months early.

I know my co-workers are going to sing to me any minute because I am off tomorrow to go to Maryland. A friend I met through Facebook sent a package of tissues (for when I cry at graduation), an American Flag and a few other things. I thought that was sweet. Her boyfriend will graduate with John on the 30th and go over to OCS with him as well. She has been trying to make it better for me.

I feel bad because my mom calls and keeps saying, "its almost your birthday" and I just keep saying, "I'm not celebrating". I just want people to forget it this year. It doesn't mean anything to me if my Love isn't here.

Busy, Busy, Busy Bee

Things have been crazy in the last few weeks. I have been to Charlotte, NC and I am headed to Maryland this weekend for a wedding. Lets not forget homework, packing, laundry, unpacking, dogs and a sick grandmother are all added in the mix. Right now I am just tired and want nothing more than to go to bed.

I am excited about the wedding this weekend. John's friend from high school is getting married. He was actually a groomsman in ours, and John and I were both upset when we learned he wouldn't be able to be in their wedding. However, last week the couple asked me to do a reading at their wedding since John could not attend and play his part. I was very honored by this, especially since I've only met the bride once and the groom a few times. We do keep up with one another on Facebook though. I just hope I don't get up there and have a breakdown.

The last week or so I have been more emotional than ever! I think the closer it gets the more eager I am to just get down there and see him. I now have to stop sending letters and I hope we get more calls. Letters are how I talk to John. I know I could still write them and give them to him, but it isn't the same. I know he looks forward to mail time and all the push ups he has to do. I can only hope they will be replaced with more phone calls.

Come on June 30th!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Letter Romance

I'm not going to lie. The last seven weeks have almost seemed like a romance you might watch in a romantic war movie. Girlfriends and wives at home waiting to hear from their love through a letter or a phone call. It brightens up your day when you get either one.

We live in modern day where conversations have been replaced with e-mails and text messages, but I get letters. Before the days of  "you've got mail" couples had to send letters to one another and had no other form of communication. I'm sure even then letters took a little longer to get anywhere.

By no means do letters replace the sounds of a voice or the touch of your love. When I read them though I pretend he is talking to me. I hear his voice in my head as I read the letter. In the last 6 1/2 years we have been together I have very few cards from John. He isn't one to express himself too much or write, but he writes me everyday right now. I am so thankful for each letter that comes. Even if it is a short one.

Letters can help you express yourself in ways you may never otherwise have. Its so much easier to write something down sometimes then it is to say it. When I get a letter I forget about my cell phone and my computer. When he goes off to OCS I think I am going to miss the letters. Not that I won't LOVE seeing him on Skype or talking to him on the phone, but I will miss coming home to see if I have something in the mail.

I was talking about a friend the other day and explaining how I get letters almost everyday and how that is the only form of communication we have. She thought it was romantic and I agree. Its a great feeling coming home to a letter filled with love from someone so far away. I know he thinks of me. I almost want to curse the mail on Sundays when it doesn't run and Tuesday when I never get a letter. But only a few more weeks.

Its just a sweet letter romance. :-D

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


So one of my new favorite shows is Glee. I get on iTunes each week to download some of my favorite songs from each episode and I have all the soundtracks.

Well tonight is the season finale where they are performing at regionals. Of course I downloaded the soundtrack as well, which includes songs by Journey. The first song is "Faithfully", which Finn and Rachel sing together.

"Wondering where I am lost without you, And being apart ain't easy on this love affair, Two strangers learn to fall in love again, I get the joy of rediscovering you, you stand by me I'm forever yours faithfully " Journey

John and I have been by each other sides for almost seven years now. He supported me in going back to school and I support him in joining the Army. I feel lost without him here. When I have a bad day I don't have my best friend here to make it better or at least listen to me.

This song is so appropriate for any military couple who has gone through a deployment, separated during basic or being apart for whatever reason. This can go for couples who are often apart for whatever reason. A friend told me that each time her husband comes home it is like getting to know each other all over again and falling in love all over. 

To my Love, I'm forever yours, faithfully. 


From what I heard many military wives become jaded. This really makes me think because I don't want to be a jaded military wife.

Already I have experienced frustration with the Army. I was told to contact one person to request the weekend with John, but there was someone else I was supposed to contact. I still don't know at this point if I will get the weekend with him, and will more than likely have to hang around Friday to find out. I know this is just a small taste of what is to come.

What I really want to know is what makes us jaded?

Things change and I have to learn to roll with the punches. A new friend of mine says her fiance says, "only worry about the things you can control". This is so true. But what I keep thinking to myself through the frustration and stress is that this is what is making him happy. This is what he wants right now and I need to be here to support that 100% no matter how often the Army changes its mind.

Is it that after so long we get tired of giving up our lives and putting them backseat to the Army life? I hope that I can keep the positive attitude through the years as we experience more and more what this life has to offer us.

 Like marriage things are not always easy. Some things you have to work harder at to get the result you want. You have to come to a compromise with certain things in order for both parties to be at least somewhat happy. Now, I realize that it will be more the Army way or no way at all.

I do believe that we are going to have to work harder to make sure the other person knows how much we care and love them. I am scared of deployments and being away from one another, but I know that I have to keep my faith and trust in him and let him know I will be here when he gets back. I can't let our frustrations with the Army affect our marraige. I hope I can avoid becoming a jaded military wife.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

What I Learned From SATC 2

So I went to see Sex and the City 2 tonight. If you haven't seen it then stop reading. I'm not giving the whole movie away, but just a portion that really hit home and reenforces what I have been thinking all along.

So as you can tell from the previews Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha all head to the middle east for a week. While there each lady is given her own butler. Carrie finds out that her butler's wife lives in India. They see each other about every three months when he can afford to fly out to see her. Carrie asked it that was hard on them and he told her that it didn't matter. Each time they are together it is special.

That is the outlook I need to have on this. While John is only in basic now, we have many separations ahead of us. I need to remember that we still love one another while we are apart and we need to cherish each second we have when we are together. Who knows how many deployments will come and go, but I know that when he comes home everything will be ok and we will enjoy the time we have together.

You asked, I told

Hey Army Wife, thank you for the questions. 

John will actually stay at Ft. Benning for OCS, so there will be a short distance from where he is now at Benning to where he will be going for OCS at Benning. After e-mailing a commander, I have been granted permission to drive him from BCT to OCS Friday morning. Still not sure at this point if I will get the weekend with him or not, but I will take the short drive. 

John would like to do something in the medical field, He is very interested in lab work and research. All I can really think about is Nicholas Cage in The Rock where he has to diffuse the bomb or the whole place blows up. I am not sure where he would go for that. I have heard Ft. Hood, Texas is where they do their Medical training. 

Ideally we would like to be stationed at Ft. Bragg, NC. We have friends that live in Charlotte and we love going down to visit them. I am actually going down there next weekend and they are nice enough to let me stay with them on my way to GA to break up the trip. 

I do work and I plan to keep on working. However, I am nervous about finding a new job. If we do get to make the move to BOLC B I am nervous about finding a temp job for just a few months, but I know it will all work out. I won't have to work, but I want to contribute. I'm nervous to look for a job when we get stationed as well because depending how far as are from base I worry that some employers will look me over because they won't there is a chance I won't be long term. 

When it became official that John was joining the Army I started to think about my career a bit more. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom because I didn't want to waste my education. I am currently working on my masters and really don't want to finish it if I am not going to use it. Ideally I would like to find a job I can do from home or take any where with me. I have a undergrad in both Advertising and Marketing and my masters will be in Integrated Marketing Communications. Really though, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, so that doesn't help the situation. 

However, my thoughts have changed because I know we may not be in the same place for more than three to five years at a time and it would be nice to be able to stay at home with the kids. John's mom stayed home with him and he enjoyed the memories he made with her. I come from a single parent household so I was in daycare or my grandmother watched me. I try not to think about it too much now because we don't even know where we are going. Right now though I do plan to work and when we have kids we will look at the situation again. I just don't know what I would do if I didn't work, especially when he is deployed.

The hardest sacrifice? I don't know if I have honestly come across that yet. Right now though it is probably giving them my life. I don't just mean me and control over my life, but I also mean John. He is my world, my soul mate and my best friend. I feel like I handed him over. They tell us when we can talk, when we can be together. 

As someone who has to plan everything I am slowly learning that I need to just let things be sometimes. With the Army you never know what is going to happen, well with the military in general, and you just have to go with the flow. We have been told that going to Ft. Bragg is likely because it is such a huge base, but there may not be an opening for what he wants. You can't plan anything and have to roll with the punches. 

What did I think of the Army? Not really sure. I dated a guy in high school that was a year older than me. Going into my senior year of high school he left to be Marine. While it wasn't like anything I am going through now with John, I should have known I was meant to be a military wife. 

I don't want to be jaded. I want to be positive about the situation because this is what he wanted. He seems happy. I realize that I am not always going to be happy with the Army decides to do with him, but the Army is family now and we just have to work it out and deal with it. I don't always get along with John or my parents, but they are family. 

I never knew anyone in the military really until I met John. He is from an Air Force family: his dad, his grandfather, a few cousins, his oldest brother, a few uncles, so he knew the military life. He lucked out though because his dad was stationed at the same base for 16 years before they moved to where they are now. 

I am excited for what the future holds for us. Even though there are going to be rough patches, I look forward to the opportunities the Army has in store for us. I would love to go overseas and be stationed for a few years and explore the world. I've lived within an hour of the same place my whole life and traveled only to less than a dozen states. The rewards out weight the downfalls. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

IT'S JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So at the end of THIS month I will finally get to see my Love! I can't wait to see him for the first time in his uniform and watch him graduate. I couldn't be more proud of him. He seems so happy with what he is doing. This past week John qualified as a Sharp Shooter on his first attempt, which he was really excited about. I still get letters almost every day from him. I didn't like the long weekend though.

The good news is he should get to leave post the weekend after graduation, so he will get to stay the night with me. I CAN'T WAIT! The bed seems so lonely without him there. I may also get to drive him to OCS on Sunday, which I have mixed feelings about. It will be great to get the extra time with him, however it will probably only make it harder for me to say goodbye. I cried the entire time at the hotel when I took him to Beckley for him to ship.

I received three letters yesterday. In one letter he said he wants me to move with him to BOLC B, which I would love to do. I hope we can work out. Just a few minor details to discuss. :-)

Well, thats all for now!

If anyone wants to know anything or has ideas please let me know. I know I need to write more frequently.